Something's got to give

We are in a crisis, humanity can't carry on this way!!!!!

At the beginning of the year, I had the privilege of serving as a volunteer participant for the CSW68 for the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women for the UK chapter. It was a dream come true. Since I was a young woman, I always said I would do some work involving the UN women in whatever capacity. And for it to have happened the way it did, I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to gather with other women to discuss ideas on how to advance causes that improve the lives of women here in the UK and also around the world.

For the past few months, UN women UK have been highlighting the continuous rise in violence against women. The rise in the number of rape cases, domestic violence, sexual assault and femicide is now a national emergency. And by the way, violence against women isn’t just an issue here in the UK alone, but worldwide. That is why the UN, spearheaded by the Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, came up with the 16 days of activism, which is a global campaign to fight against gender-based violence running from the 25th November to 10th December.

So while doing my part to bring awareness to this, I sat down with a friend who is a women’s health expert, and decided to understand the rise in the rate of violence against women. The first thing we looked at was the mental health crisis that is plaguing young men in this country. Statistics show that men who are struggling with their mental health tend to exhibit their symptoms in negative ways than women do. They are more prone to substance abuse such as drugs and alcohol, engage in high risk behaviours, are violent and commit suicide at a higher rate than women. And studies have also shown that this is because they are less likely to talk about their mental health problems with family or friends and professionals. It’s the whole gender expectation of men being strong that is not only hurting young men, but is inevitably causing them to lash out and take their problems out on women.

The other reason we explored was the fact that women are now more financially empowered than ever before, and some men are finding this shift difficult to deal with. Not only are women able to hunt and gather just like men do and sometimes even do it better than them, they are able to walk away from situations that no longer serve their wellbeing. I mean you only have to look at who initiates divorce more in this day and age. Research shows that 75% of divorces here in the UK are initiated by women. And some men are rattled when this happens. There have been cases of men who have gone on to kill their ex spouses after they left them because they can’t stand the fact that they have been left.

We also can’t ignore the fact that certain cultures hold beliefs that are pretty much barbaric, and you all know what I am talking about. For example, my brain can’t comprehend how a family would kill their own child simply because she refuses to marry someone that has been chosen for her or because she chooses to go against the grain and live a life according to her own terms (honour killing). The fact that some families put reputation before the life of their own daughters is something I will never wrap my mind around. Once again, this goes to show that men’s egos can’t handle their supposed power being rattled.

And there is also a group of men who because they have been hurt in the past by a woman, be that a mother figure or a significant other, can sometimes harbour negative feelings towards women, and end up taking their anger and resentment on other women they come in contact with. Or simply those whose romantic or sexual advances have been turned down can resort to forcing themselves on other women because that is the only way they are able to have their sexual desires met.

But I think the crux of the it all is that more men are finding that their sense of purpose is no longer there. With women outpacing men in education attainment and also able to earn their own money, their role of being the sole provider for the home is slowly being eroded. Even though women still need men, there so many women who are able to stand on their own two feet even after a marriage ends. Simply put, women now have a voice, and they also have financial power than ever before, and it can be intimidating for some men. And the consequence of some of this is that women are now on the receiving end of men insecurities, which unfortunately can turn into anger and rage.

But you know what, even though I am sympathetic to the plight of men as it pertains to mental health struggles, there is absolutely no excuse to use it as a reason to violate women. Men need to get out of this mentality of having to be strong and get help. There is no shame in getting help. The sooner they do that, the better for everyone around. And as it pertains to men feeling a loss of a sense purpose or being intimidated by the educational and financial power that women now have, I say deal with it. Examine yourself and ask yourself why you would be intimidated by a woman in any capacity. And why you would resort to violence of any kind just because you have not gotten your way.

Lastly, my question to all men who have ever been violent or are violent towards women is; “is your ego that fragile or insecure that you feel you have to exert some kind of force and violence to be seen to be a man?”. And I also want to ask men who stand by and never call out this kind of behaviour in society to think hard about this. One rotten apple in a basket spoils all the others. It is your reputation as men that goes down the drain every time a woman is violated, whether you like it or not. So don’t be surprised when women shun you more and more.

“Do we surely have to educate men on how to behave and treat women?”. I can understand that we need to teach boys from a young age to respect not only women but also everyone. But as they grow up, surely they should know better.

Hence why the responsibility to change things lies with all of us. Its not just the role of parents, it is for the whole society to come together and denounce violence against women.

The violence needs to end!!!!!